Conquering the External Validation Roller Coaster Ride


By Tina O’Conner,

The majority of us human beings enjoy hearing a compliment.  In the workplace, we hope those compliments and validation of our work performance lead to a raise or promotion.

We want to hear that our efforts are appreciated in our professional and personal lives.  When we seek external validation, we wait for another person to tell us we are accepted.  When we learn to quiet our minds, we have the ability to increase validation with acceptance of ourselves.

Accepting ourselves for who we are is challenging.  External validation is a roller coaster ride.  If our supervisor appreciates us today, all is well with life.  But what happens tomorrow?  If they do not point out our hard work, does our value and worth decrease or even disappear?

What about in our personal lives?  If someone in our family, our spouse/partner, child overlooks something special we did, does it not count?

Validate means to substantiate or confirm.  In other words, “I have determined you are acceptable.”  The challenge for all of us is do I value “my” qualification as enough or do I need someone else to tell me I have worth.

Be careful about comparing yourself to another.  Any time we compare ourselves to another, we fall short.   One of my favorite positive affirmations is “I am enough.”  This thought is true for each and every one of us.

Make the effort each day to acknowledge your unique personality.  This world would be boring if all of us were the same.  What makes you special?  Take a moment to reflect on those wonderful qualities you possess.  Value and worth is not dependent on another person’s opinion.

We are entitled to our thoughts and feelings.  Take the risk and put yourself out there.  Speak your mind.  I trust that we are doing this in a way that is respectful of everyone.

Top photo credit: Around II via photopin (license)

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