By Tina O’Conner

Over the past few weeks, I came across two different articles discussing women using the word “just.”  Both of these articles focused on dynamics in the workplace.  One article suggested that women “man up.”  The other article described the use of the word “just” as women asking for permission.

When I talk to my clients, (regardless of gender) about being assertive the difference between “defending and justifying” and “explaining” our thoughts, opinions, and feelings usually come up.  Justifying our thoughts comes from a place of insecurity.

Explaining why we set a particular boundary comes from a position of strength and confidence.

In both articles, the research determined women use the word “just” more often than men.  It would be an interesting challenge for your workplace to 1) see how much you use the word, and 2) determine if women tend to use this word more often than men.

This is a broad question that each of can answer individually.  How did we get to a place where based on culture, religion, gender, a socioeconomic status we learned to justify ourselves?  As long as we are respectful of ourselves and others let’s be our true selves.

I am not supposed to put aside ourselves to make someone else happy.  This perspective gives us permission to follow policy and the chain of command in the work environment.  Unless our supervisor or employer is asking us to be unethical or put ourselves in danger, please remember that we do have responsibilities to others at our workplace.

Take a moment today to 1) reflect on what being true to yourself means and be specific, 2) challenge yourself that each time you “justify” or “defend” a thought, feeling, or opinion stop and don’t qualify the verbal comment, and 3) be assertive.

Take the risk that is holding you back.  Speak up and enjoy the wonderfulness of you!

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Tina L. O’Connor, MS, NCC is a Licensed Professional Counselor who has a private counseling practice in Parkesburg. Tina attended college in Phoenixville and West Chester. Tina and her husband Doug have three amazing adult stepchildren and two beautiful grandchildren. Tina can be reached at Experience Positive Therapy via telephone at (610) 857-8089 or email at exppostherapy1@verizon.net.

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