by Diane Runge

You are not raising kids.  You are raising adults.  You’re raising a friend and spouse, business partner or employee, your grandchild’s parents and neighbors.  There’s a thought.  No pressure.

What kind of adult are you producing?  Keeping the end in mind could help us redirect our parenting strategy.  We can choose to relate to our kids so they become successful, able adults.

Imagine a husband, or a coworker…who is unable:

•      To fix a problem
•      Avoid risk
•      Crumbles under stress
•      Makes excuses or blames
•      Is incompetent
•      Is not responsible, detailed or willing to work through challenge
•      Overly dramatic and passive aggressive
•      Sees criticism, suggestions, or denial as personal attacks.
•      Unable to resolve conflict…
•      Quits
•      Cannot adapt or overcome obstacles

Actually, the best way to ensure your kids struggle and fail as an adult, is to keep them from experiencing any of those things as they’re growing up.  In our zeal to be good parents, we work hard to shield and rescue our children from anything that is challenging, painful, disappointing, uncomfortable or unhappy.

In doing so, we disable them.  They are not enabled to succeed.

If you want your children to be successful, then enable them to grow in the required traits all along.

Let them know what they are able to do.  Let them enjoy doing what’s appropriate and theirs to own.  Let them become responsible and make choices, developing their own preferences.  Let them resolve issues that belong to them.  Weigh in and provide insight but let them make choices on things that aren’t permanent or life altering.  Let them define a strong individual identity.

Let them know they are able to take risks.  Encourage them to experiment and stretch a little further than is comfortable and safe.  Let them experience “safe fails” under your roof where they can find guidance in thinking through the results and managing the consequences in a way that propels them to learn how to make a better decision and move forward positively.  Let them laugh at mistakes and feel the rush of accomplishment.

Let them know they are able to handle future situations.  As you have kept a growth mindset that is a perpetual learning cycle, your child will become capable of managing themselves and just about any situation they may face as an adult.  They become confident…

•      Problem solvers
•      Risk takers
•      Strong
•      Responsible
•      Competent
•      Self-defined
•      Self-determined

Successful…adults.  They become achievers, influencers, innovators, game-changers, leaders and shapers of the next generation.

Tough parents raise strong kids.  

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Diane Runge has lived in Chester County since her middle-school years, She’s spent her adult life creating experiences that challenge the mind, body, and spirit of children and parents. She’s been a local teacher and family pastor, writer and conference speaker. She’s having fun as an entrepreneur, currently writing her first book and a mom to a United States National Team and USA Jr. National Swimming athletes heading for the 2016 Olympic Games.