Teens grieve differently than younger children. Developmentally, teens have a lot going on — they are in between being a child and an adult. They are more mature in many ways, yet their brain is not fully developed. The frontal lobe is the last area of the brain to develop, and this does not fully reach maturation until age 25. It is the part of the brain that controls important cognitive skills in humans, such as emotional expression, problem-solving, memory, language, judgment, and sexual behavior. It is the “control panel” of our personality and our ability to communicate.

Also, remember that teens are naturally exploratory in this stage of life and are also trying to gain independence. With one foot in each developmental stage, it is important to remember this when supporting a grieving teen.

Things to remember:

• Peers are important. Peer-to-peer support groups can be helpful.
• Teens are striving for independence.
• Teens are often told to “be strong for your Mom” or “take care of you siblings,” which can place added pressure to a teen to grieve in a certain way. Be mindful of not putting adult responsibilities on a teen.
• Teens may use social media as an outlet to grieve.
• Teens are naturally exploratory and are figuring out what they believe and why.
• They may have existential questions regarding their spirituality.

Tips:

• Listen. Truly listen and try not to fix their pain.
• It is most important to be genuine. Most teens value this over anything else.
• Before you expect a teen to be open and honest with you, be vulnerable with them first. Model healthy emotional expression and healthy coping such as going for a run when angry.
• Validate emotions. They may experience many different emotions, sometimes all at once, and that is normal.
• Find a peer support group where teens can be around other teens who have lost someone they love.
• Check out The Shared Grief Project where actors and athletes share their grief stories.
• Use time driving in the car to ask questions. For example, “What’s something you miss about your Mom? I really miss her laugh.”
• Know that your teenager does not like to be different. Some may choose to go back to school right away, some may not. We find teens may even want to be with friends or go to a sport’s practice the same day as finding out about a loved one’s death. This is okay; this is an example of teens wanting to be “normal” and with their peer group.

Please reach out to A Haven if you have specific questions regarding teenage grief.

Seek a professional counselor if you see significant changes in personality or behavior.

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A Haven is an Exton-based nonprofit that offers various grief support groups and grief resources for families with children, teens, and young adults (ages 3-24) who have experienced the death of someone they know. All support groups are offered at no cost to families. A Haven utilizes a family-centered approach, acknowledging that empowering families to walk through grief together is an important piece in supporting a grieving child. Learn more.