Heading Off Family Discord with Planning

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Image via Lamb McErlane.

By Stacey W. McConnell

When health events happen unexpectedly and planning isn’t in place, the stress on a family is enormous. Here’s a story based on some actual cases I have seen.

Anne and Steve were together for decades and had three children, Emily, Mark and Ryan. The problems began when both Anne and Steve became incapacitated. Their children could not agree on how to handle their care or financial affairs. All three children loved their parents, but they had differing views on how they should be cared for and how money should be invested and spent. Since Anne and Steve had not spoken to their children about their wishes and had not chosen someone to act as their agent to make health or financial decisions for them, the children were left to decide among themselves how to handle their parents’ care and finances.

As Anne and Steve’s conditions deteriorated, the problems increased. Mark lived in the house owned by the parents and refused to move out. Emily had been joint owner on a checking account with Anne and Steve and continued writing checks, including checks for her own benefit, on their account. Anne and Steve owned a car, which Ryan, who had no steady source of income, continued to drive.

Each child knew what the other two were doing and did not approve. They stopped speaking with each other and communicating about their parents’ care.

Anne and Steve died within weeks of each other. They had not signed Wills and had not planned for their funerals. Emily, Mark and Ryan had a very difficult time coping with their parents’ deaths. None of the three could provide emotional support for their siblings because of the conflict that arose during their parents’ illness. The children had their relationship disrupted unnecessarily by their parents’ failure to plan and to communicate those wishes. Anne and Steve’s affairs wound up in a very costly court battle to resolve distribution of their assets. The relationship among the siblings may never be repaired.

It takes little time to plan, but it can save years of family fighting. Anne and Steve should have engaged a lawyer with expertise in estate planning to prepare Wills, Financial Powers of Attorney and Health Care Powers of Attorney for them. Once they completed these documents, they should have told their children about their plans as well as where the children could find the documents, which are usually kept with the lawyer, when needed.  They should also have had a separate discussion with the child they chose to act as their agent under the Financial Power of Attorney to familiarize him or her with their finances in the event that they became incapacitated. Finally, they should have planned, or at least advised their children about their wishes, their funerals or memorial services.

Planning ahead and keeping the lines of communication open affords many benefits, and may help save money on attorney’s fees or taxes. However, perhaps the most important benefit of all is the family harmony it will promote.

Of course, Anne and Steve should have discussed all of these topics with their children before they became incapacitated to avoid any confusion and hard feelings later.  As with most things in life, “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” In times as uncertain as these, having one’s affairs in order should be of paramount importance to all of us.

Now, perhaps more than ever, it is important to do your planning.

For more information or to discuss your estate planning needs, please contact at Lamb McErlane PC at 610-430-8000. www.lambmcerlane.com.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Stacey Willits McConnell focuses her practice on estate planning, administration of trusts and estates, charitable giving, and sophisticated wealth preservation and transfer techniques. She chairs Lamb McErlane’s Estate Planning and Trusts Department and has been in private practice in the Philadelphia area for more than 30 years representing both individuals and institutions. smcconnell@lambmcerlane.com. 610-701-4431.

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